Freefall
by copycat-capycot
Summary: Six drabbles for Yullen Week. Misunderstanding. Prank. Date. Games. Doll. Night Out. #6: "Well, blow me. My enemies want me to bang Kanda so their top assassin won't slack off."
1. Misunderstanding

Disclaimer: Why no, I don't own D. Gray Man, and if I did, I wouldn't be putting it on all of these hiatuses.

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"...Yuu-chan."

"THE HELL, LAVI?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!!!"

"Yuu-chan, what's all of this doing in your drawer?"

"?!?"

"Yuu-chan...aren't you going to explain?"

"...fuck. Why were you going through my drawer?"

"One of those...things...were sticking out. That's why I opened your drawer."

"Screw that, why were you even in my room to begin with?"

"Well, Yuu-chan, a sign that says 'Stay the fuck out of my room or then Mugen will slice your ass' written all in blood just doesn't cut it. You need more finesse. Something smoother. Something much more threatening."

"Explain how Mugen slicing up your fucking _usagi _ass isn't threatening."

"Yuu-chan, you say that you will slice up my ass every single day. Now don't change the subject. What were these doing here, Yuu-chan?"

"Don't call me Yuu—"

"I _said _no changing the subject."

Allen paused by Kanda's room as he was passing through the hall and looked quizzically at the door. He could have sworn he heard Lavi... Shaking his head, the cursed boy sighed. Lavi still hadn't learned his lesson to not go into Kanda's the room. The last time it had happened, the poor future Bookman spent a good three months recovering from severe injuries.

...What _was _Lavi doing in Kanda's room? From what he could hear, Lavi seemed to have been in the Devil's room for a good while and Kanda hadn't chopped him up and didn't seem to be spewing profanities like he usually would be doing. If Allen hadn't been in his right mind, he would have said that Kanda was getting soft. But judging how rudely he had pushed Allen out of the line for food in the cafeteria this morning... Allen shook his head again and pinched the bridge of his nose exasperatedly. Kanda was Kanda, and Lavi was Lavi, in the end.

Speaking of the two Exorcists...they were still talking rather heatedly and loudly. For a moment, Allen considered eavesdropping.

"YUU-CHAN, STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION. WHY ARE THERE _**CONDOMS **_IN YOUR DRAWER?!!!"

And Lavi made the decision for Allen.

Kanda had...condoms in his drawer. Condoms. Condoms. Allen knew what condoms were. They were what Cross used whenever he locked himself in a room with a female. They were tossed into trash cans after such sessions with a strange white liquid seeping out from them. They were strewn all over the place wherever he and his Master stayed. They were tucked in Cross' pockets. They were the mark of Cross Marian. They were the mark of _Master. _Allen immediately pushed down any rising and mind-scarring memories of Cross that were resurfacing.

Throwing away all restraints and hesitating thoughts, the young Brit pressed his ear against the door, a red blush spreading across his face, as he listened and wondered why on earth Kanda had such...items.

"Now Yuu. Don't tell me you've been seeing a girl."

"You—"

"Hey hey! Put away Mugen! Or then I'll tell everyone about this."

"You wouldn't. I'd kill you, fucking Usagi."

"You can't kill me. It'll be one less Exorcist, one less protector of mankind, one less annoying pest for the Earl."

"...Che."

"Now be a good man, Yuu, and tell me. Who is she? Oh my—It's not Lenalee, is it? Komui—Oh my God, there won't even be _bones _left after he's done with you."

"It's not Lenalee. Stop jumping to conclusions, fucking Lavi."

"Ah, so there _is _someone."

"..." Mumble mumble.

"What? Did you say Miranda?"

"..." Angry mumble mumble.

"It's not Miranda? Then it's one of the female Finders?"

"..." Louder angry mumble mumble.

"Not one of the Finders? But then...it's not that pretty General—"

"FUCK, JUST SHUT UP, BAKA USAGI. I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU."

By now, Allen was waiting with great anticipation. Kanda was actually—Kanda actually had someone like—Kanda was like Cross?! Maybe perhaps, deep underneath the cold exterior and "piss off" attitude, Kanda had a ton of raging hormones that he couldn't keep in check. Maybe Kanda had all sorts of weird fetishes and kinks. Maybe Kanda was a womanizer just like Cross but acted like a stiff prick all the time to hide the other side of his personality. Maybe Kanda was a _nymphomaniac. _

The startling thoughts and theories and speculations swimming around in Allen's head were almost too much to bear. Kanda, a sex-drived and sex fiend and sex-obsessed—

"Yuu-chan...please tell me my eyesight is fading."

"They will be when I'm through with you."

"What did I say about death threats?"

"..."

"But Yuu-chan...lubrication. There's a bottle of lubrication next to your...condoms."

"..." Furious threatening mumble mumble.

"But Yuu-chan, you don't need lube with girls."

"..." More furious threatening mumble mumble.

"So Yuu-chan..."

"Don't finish that sentence."

"You're into guys."

"...Baka Usagi. You're dead."

"I took Mugen though."

"When did you—?!"

"So tell me, Yuu-chan...who is this mystery guy?"

Behind the door, Allen was sweating profusely. Kanda was into guys? Kanda was gay? Kanda was down on the rainbow? Kanda was—was— Allen was fairly certain that his brain was going to short-circuit if he kept thinking about Kanda being _gay_. While Allen had never really seen Kanda as a womanizer to begin with, he never really saw him swinging _that _way either. If the Brit had to think of what level Kanda's possible sex drive was at, he would say zero. But condoms...and then lube...and then guys?!

Unfortunately, in his shock, Allen failed to realize how much he was leaning on the door. He also failed to realize that the door was unlocked. And he also failed to realize that as he leaned, the door was slowly starting to move—and move—and move—

_Crash._

Time went into slow motion. Kanda and Lavi turned their heads, snail-like, towards the opening door. Allen fell, his pale hair swishing, with an expression of horror forming on his face. His hands automatically stretched out to meet the floor. His stomach fell flat on the ground and his face painfully smacked the ground.

Time reverted back into normal speed.

Allen looked up fearfully.

Kanda stared. Lavi stared. Allen stared.

A drawer was opened by the bedside. Just sticking out—just so Allen could see it—was a little package with the word—

"Holy shit," Allen said, breaking the silence. "You really are gay, Kanda."

A variety of events happened after that fateful sentence. The first was that Lavi made the mistake of laughing at Allen's words. The second, as a result of Lavi's mistake, ended with Kanda swearing and making obscene hand gestures at both Allen and Lavi. The third saw Kanda picking up the green-eyed rabbit by the scuff of his neck and throwing out the future Bookman like an unwanted stray dog. The fourth had Kanda locking his door and then chaining it and then barricading it and then giving it a final kick. Kanda then swore angrily at his door and then turned menacingly at Allen who laid on the floor, quaking in fear.

"Don't misunderstand," Kanda glowered down at the albino on the ground. "I'm not gay."

Allen blinked. "But then why—" He paused and searched for the right words. "Why do you have...those in your drawer?" He flushed red, unable to say condom or lube aloud.

The long-haired Exorcist turned away huffily so Allen missed the pink blush streaking across Kanda's cheeks.

"Like a Moyashi would understand."

"It's Allen!" the parasite-user yelped from the floor. He shifted uncomfortably and started to stand. As he stood, his form shook a little and his hips swayed from side to side in a subtle way.

But not subtle enough for Kanda to not notice.

Allen felt something boring into his figure and he glanced up just in time to see Kanda hastily turn his face away. He stared at the Japanese's back, confused. Why on earth was Kanda staring at him?

"Kanda?"

Said man started. "Moyashi?"

They stared at each other for a moment, Kanda's gaze slightly apprehensive and tentative, while Allen's were searching and inquisitive. Then Allen's eyes trailed towards the condom package just barely peeking out over the edge of the drawer. And slowly, they went back to the still visible pink tint dusting Kanda's cheeks.

And somehow, everything clicked.

"You—me—I—that's—never—"

Allen spluttered and flustered and stuttered and stumbled over his words. A henna red blush bloomed on his cheeks as he flapped his arms wildly, unable to express his emotional turmoil in a coherent speech. A frown crossed Kanda's face—Allen didn't seem to realize that Kanda was in an emotionally vulnerable state.

"M-Moyashi, say something clearly," Kanda cleared his throat, meaning to sound firm and in control, but only managing a weak, nervous gasp.

The Brit stared hard at Kanda.

"Holy shit, you really are gay."

And he promptly fainted.

Kanda scowled and reached over to lift Allen from the floor and to the bed. "Don't misunderstand, idiot. I'm only gay for you."

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**A/N: **AHHHHH! Horrible attempt at the first theme.

This was actually a bit rushed because I almost forgot about Yullen Week. I was planning on throwing in a lemon, but since I can't write smut...

Kanda and Allen were both extremely OOC (or at least I think so). But hopefully, the other themes will be easier.

Review? Please?


	2. Prank

Disclaimer: No, I don't own D. Gray Man because I have no idea how Hoshino came up with the title D. Gray Man—Seriously, where did that come from?

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Kanda wasn't exactly sure as to how he got into the current situation he found himself in. It certainly wasn't part of his nightly routine to have Moyashi underneath him, moaning and crying out his name in a variety of tones and volumes, writhing as they touched and kissed and a lot more. Not that he didn't mind getting it on with Allen Walker, the damn Brit who had caught his attention from Day One, but he had no idea how Allen got into his room or how Allen managed to convince him to have passionate sex with him or... It was just plain weird how his mind was blanking out. He couldn't remember anything else. He just suddenly found himself in the middle of making out with a very sexy and lust-deprived Brit who seemed bent on making him lose it.

He groaned and lost his train of thought as Allen's tongue snaked a distracting trail from his chest and lower towards his erection. Allen's mouth was very...talented. Cursing, he gripped Allen's waist and ground their hips together, eliciting a gasp from the Moyashi and his tongue fell away from Kanda's skin.

"Im-impatient, Bakanda?" Allen rasped out.

"Shut it," Kanda tried to growl out, but it came out more as a husky purr.

The long-haired Exorcist rolled his hips against Allen's, shutting his eyes tight from pleasure as their erections rubbed smoothly together. He began a slow rhythm, rocking against Allen, his hips only slightly thrusting.

"Haa...K-Kanda..."

Allen's head lolled back and Kanda seized the chance to bend down and nip the pale neck. He was rewarded with a soft cry. One of his hands found a pink nipple and he pinched it. Allen jolted slightly and he cried out. Smirking, Kanda lowered his head to lick the other nipple, nipping and sucking.

"Kanda..." Allen said, flushing.

"Want me to stop, Moyashi?" Kanda whispered playfully against Allen's skin.

As if he could at this point. Moyashi was making such delicious noises that he had to hear more. And the usually pale face was now flushed with the prettiest shade of red. Full pink lips opened and closed, pressing tightly together and then dropping open to gasp out "Kanda!" with the occasional "Yuu..." thrown in.

But it wasn't enough.

Kanda lowered his head until his breath ghosted over the erect male of Allen. A few drops beaded at the tip and Kanda gave a feral grin at Allen, who looked at him with a both embarrassed and curious expression on his face. Obviously Moyashi wasn't extremely talented in this area, so Kanda supposed that he would have to take the lead...

One lick on the side sent Allen groaning, "K-Kanda, you don't need to—", and then Kanda drowned all other protests by lapping the tip and then taking it whole in his mouth. Allen gasped and almost thrust upwards into that perfect mouth. Smirking again, Kanda began to move his head up and down, sucking on Allen's cock and gently scraping a vein with his teeth. The Brit gasped and pleaded and moaned and said "Kanda, Kanda, oh fuck _Yuu_" and it couldn't possibly have been more heavenly.

Kanda glanced up at Allen as he continued to suck the cock before him. The albino was shaking, tears gathering in his eyes. The flush on his face had deepened and he wasn't holding back any of his gasps and moans and every now and then, when Kanda's tongue trailed over a particularly sensitive area, his mouth opened and he had a silent scream of pleasure. Hungry dark blue eyes watched Allen as he climbed his way higher and higher to that peak—

Then Allen cried and said, "Kanda, I'm going to—nngh..."

The cursed Exorcist came, trembling in the throes of orgasm. Kanda swallowed the pearly liquid without thinking much on it. It tasted bitter but he didn't mind—It was pure Allen.

"Pretty quick, Moyashi," he drawled, amused to see Allen flare up.

"Th-that's because you're such a tease."

"Oh? Am I teasing you, Moyashi?"

"Shut up!"

"Do you really want me to?" Kanda said. He reached down and stroked his own erection. "Damn Moyashi, it's my turn now."

The bottle of lube was waiting expectantly on the table. Kanda reached over, unscrewed the bottle, and poured a generous helping onto his fingers.

"Spread your legs, Moyashi."

Allen complied, still somewhat trembling from post-orgasmic high.

"It'll hurt at first," Kanda said, his finger tracing the opening, "but bear with it."

Slowly, Allen nodded and he shut his eyes tight as Kanda plunged the first finger in. He twitched a little bit at the feeling of a foreign object intruding into his body, but he spread his legs further, gritted his teeth, and waited. The second finger and then the third hurt a bit more and Kanda could see that Allen's hands were clutching the sheets tightly. Then his fingers brushed something and Allen suddenly lurched off the bed and moaned loudly.

"There it is," Kanda murmured. He pressed Allen's prostrate again and again until Allen all but sobbed out:

"Kanda, fuck me _now_."

The pleading voice turned Kanda on more than anything else. Without hesitation, he lined up his erection with the opening and slowly began to enter. Allen cried out in pain and reached up to grasp Kanda's shoulders. "Easy, Moyashi." Allen nodded and tried to relax as Kanda fully sheathed himself. He ground his teeth and gasped out, "Allen." Moyashi was so – fucking – tight. He wanted more than anything to move right now, to pound in and out of the small frame until he was fully satisfied. But tears were gathering at the corner of the Brit's eyes and his hands hadn't loosened from his shoulders.

"When you're ready," Kanda panted.

A few moments passed with Allen squeezing his eyes shut. Then he opened the silver-blue eyes and gave a tiny nod.

That was all the permission Kanda needed. He began to pull in and out of Allen, beginning slowly. And when Allen pressed down on him, urging him to move faster, panting, "H-harder, Kanda", he could do nothing but comply. He raised up Allen's hips and plunged in even deeper, drawing out a "Yuu!" from Allen who was crying out his name.

"K-Kanda, I can't—"

The Japanese reached out a hand and grabbed Allen's neglected erection. Allen jolted and screamed, "Kanda!" as said man shafted him, rubbing his thumb over the head.

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Lenalee stared at the screen. "Well, who would have thought that Kanda saw Allen _that _way..." She blushed and averted her eyes away for a moment, but they were immediately drawn back to the screen.

Komui nodded eagerly. "When I slipped the 'Realistic Wet Dreams of Your Beloved' pill into Kanda's soba, I thought there wouldn't be any information at all. I've always thought that Kanda had no hormones at all... This really is quite fascinating. And I always thought that he hated Allen too."

"Man, Yuu-chan's going to kill us if he ever finds out," Lavi said, grinning at the screen.

"I doubt it," the Supervisor said happily. "He didn't notice the pill in his food. He didn't even wake up when we went into his room and then connected his dream with our screen. He'll never find out. And besides, there's supposed to be an alert if he wakes up. The connection will disappear and he will simply think that he was having a wild wet dream."

His sister nodded. "We should do this more often..."

"Yeah..." Lavi sighed.

"Yeah..." Komui sighed.

They all stared at the screen.

"_Kanda, I'm going to—to come..."_

"_Nngh..."_

"_Ahhh! Haa...I'm c—"_

"_Y-you're too noisy, Moyashi."_

"_Haa...haa...Kanda..."_

"_I'm—"_

"What are you three doing?"

Lenalee, Lavi, and Komui jumped and then turned around to face Allen Walker with expressions similar to that of guilty children caught red-handed stealing from the cookie jar. Allen blinked at them and wondered why they all hastily positioned themselves as to hide the screen they were staring so intently before from him. Surely they weren't doing anything stupid...

"What were you guys doing?" he asked, puzzled.

Lenalee's eyes darted at the screen she was sitting in front of, and then darted away. "Nothing really."

"Y-yeah, we were only monitoring what was going on outside of the Order," Lavi put in hurriedly. "You know, Akuma attacks and the Noah and the Earl and all of that..."

"I know that, Lavi," Allen said, still looking puzzled, "but it's just unusual that all three of you are monitoring the Order. Komui is usually at his desk, complaining about work"—"Oi!" Komui said, offended—"Lavi is usually following Bookman around"—"Stupid Panda," Lavi muttered—"and Lenalee, you said that you wanted to talk to me about your new Dark Boots. So what are you all doing here?"

"W-well..."

A sudden loud groan came from the screen.

The room became deathly quiet.

"What's on the screen?" Allen asked quietly.

Lavi thought that he detected a hint of Black Allen and tried one last time, "It's nothing for you to be worried about, Allen—"

"_Nngh...Kanda..."_

"_Allen..."_

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Is that...me?"

"...Um."

"...Maybe."

"Y-yeah."

"With Kanda?"

"Well, that is..."

"Kanda, that is..."

"With you, that is..."

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The next morning, Kanda woke up to find the remains of last night's dream on his sheets. He swore at himself for a moment and wondered where the heck the dream had come from. He also noticed that Lenalee was wearing an expression befitting a mourner at a funeral, Lavi looked worse for the wear, and Komui, for once, was meekly and diligently doing his paper work.

What was strangest of all was that Allen went around wearing a self-satisfied smirk on his face and looked at Kanda with a "I know something you don't" expression on his face.

"Hey Kanda, did you have a dream last night?"

Kanda choked.

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**A/N: **...I cannot write lemon.

Sorry if this chapter scarred you for life and ruined your eyesight.

...I'm fairly certain that this will be the only lemon in this story.

Maybe.

Reviews? :3


	3. Date

Disclaimer: I would give an arm and leg to own D. Gray Man, but Hoshino's the one with the interesting ideas.

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She was probably the prettiest girl Allen had ever seen.

Allen gulped. When he had arranged an interview with Cross Marian, one of the prominent heads in Black Order Industries, he had heard quite a few rumors about the womanizing, drinking, and demonic man. It only made sense that he would hire a beautiful young woman as a secretary. Allen had felt skeptical at working under a drunkard such as Cross Marian, especially when he had never seen the man himself, but seeing this lady here...

She really was pretty. She had long dark hair like Lenalee, his best female friend and younger sister of Komui Lee, another prominent higher-up in Black Order. It was tied back in a flowing ponytail. Stray hair strands hung around her face, framing her cheeks with tiny black bangs. She was sitting behind a tall desk so he couldn't see much of anything further down her shoulders. Her face was pale and carefully blank, but her eyes were the most brilliant glittering shade of dark blue. Dusty pink lips were pulled together as she stared down at in her hands, her eyebrows furrowing. A little sign was on the desk that said, "Yuu Kanda"

_'Yuu Kanda...That's Japanese, right? Yuu...that's such a pretty name.'_

The Brit didn't quite realize that he was gawking at Yuu Kanda until said woman of his current affections glanced at him.

"Allen Walker?"

Her voice was somewhat deeper than he imagined. But her gorgeous dark eyes were looking at him and that was all Allen really noticed.

"Um, y-yes," he stammered, blushing furiously as she tilted her head and looked at him. Then he inwardly slapped his forehead. He needed to sound more confident in order to impress her—No, no, to get the job. Right. "Yes, I arranged an interview with Cross Marian at three o'clock. Is he in?"

She looked down and made a tiny scowl that did nothing to diminish her attractive features. "No, that dam—No, Cross Marian is currently out. I'm not sure when he'll be back." She made a small mumble afterwards that sounded suspiciously like "Damn womanizer." But Allen didn't notice. His silver-blue eyes had zeroed in on the small scowl Yuu had been wearing and he thought dreamily to himself, _'Her __scowl is so pretty that her smile must be even more...'_

"Have a seat, Allen Walker," Yuu broke into his thoughts. She made a vague gesture at one of the chairs lining the nearby wall. "I'll make a phone call and have Cross Marian in here for your interview."

"Ah...thank you."

"It's no big deal."

He stood there for a moment, fidgeting in his business suit and adjusting his red tie. His other hand was starting to sweat as he held his briefcase. He watched her as she dialed a number, held the phone up to her ear, and waited. She spoke quietly into it, murmuring, "Cross Marian? Hm... I see. Yes. Yes. No... Well, thank you anyways. Are you absolutely sure? Okay. I won't bother you anymore." Then she hung up and looked at him, frowning.

"Aren't you going to sit down?"

Allen blinked and looked at her. There was a somewhat annoyed expression on Yuu's face as she surveyed him. "Ah, well...I was just thinking that it's a big deal to me. You helping me."

Another scowled creased her pretty face and she said in a carefully restrained voice, "I'm just doing my job."

"Still, it's nice."

"It's for the benefit of the company."

"Ah."

"I couldn't locate Cross Marian. I suggest you sit and wait a while and see if he shows up."

"Okay. And if he doesn't show up?"

"Go and sit. We'll see."

Nodding his head, Allen shook off his embarrassment and headed meekly towards a chair. He sat down, put his briefcase by his feet, folded his hands and laid them on his lap, and waited. Yuu gave a small "Che" and turned back to what Allen was sure was paperwork. There was silence for a couple of minutes, broken only by the occasional scratching noise made by Yuu's pencil as she did her work.

"Um," Allen suddenly cleared his throat.

"Yes?" Yuu looked up briefly, looking even more irritated.

The Brit faltered. He never was good at women. And he was still scarred from his high school days, when he had a crush on Lenalee who was also his good friend. He had made the mistake of going over to Lenalee's house to talk, but Komui coincidentally had been home. Allen didn't know that the moment he went into Lenalee's room was also when Komui followed and pressed his ear against the door to eavesdrop. And, well, Allen ended up confessing to Lenalee. She had rejected him rather gently, but a loud whoop from outside the room ruined the moment. And then Komui had popped in, smiled pleasantly at Allen, and had said conversationally, "Now Allen, you're good friends with Lenalee, right? Well, I hope you stay friends", and grinned and then whispered into Allen's ear so that Lenalee couldn't hear, "I have a kitchen knife on my belt and I'm not afraid to use it."

Allen hadn't stepped into the Lee house for a whole month after.

"Well, does Cross Marian do this often? Leaving work?"

"Yes," Yuu replied, "and he does that only too often."

"Ah," Allen answered intelligently.

"Is that all?"

"Um..."

"Hurry," Yuu said, impatience threaded in her voice.

"Is there...a bathroom around?"

Yuu sighed. "Third door to your left."

"Thank you."

"It's just my job."

The coldness in her voice all but told Allen that he was being rejected. Dropping his head dolefully, Allen made his way down the left hallway and went inside the men's room. He looked at himself in the mirror.

White hair like an old man's. A red scar making a jagged path down the left side of his face. Big silver-blue eyes, slightly chubby cheeks, and cherubic pink lips.

He drooped. No wonder she didn't like him. He looked more feminine than was natural.

The Brit did his business, washed his hands, smoothed a loose white strand back into place with water, and then made his way back.

Yuu didn't look up as he sat back down, the chair creaking in response.

Silence reigned.

"Um...Yuu-san?"

"Kanda," she barked, sounding edgy. "I would prefer for you to call me by my surname."

"Ah, Kanda-san..."

"..."

"..."

"...What? Don't go saying my name without a reason."

"Well, I was just thinking..." Allen swallowed, a furious red blush making over his face. He decided to go for it. Cross Marian didn't seem like he was going to appear out of nowhere for a while. Yuu Kanda was sitting right in front of him with her pretty face looking at him. He was single; She was...possibly single. What could go wrong?

"I was just thinking that...maybe I could have an appointment with you at a later date?"

"I'm not in position to hire anyone—"

"Oh! Sorry, I wasn't talking about work."

"...Hah?"

"I meant outside of work. Nothing business-related."

"...Hah?"

"You know, on a casual..."

"...Hah?"

"Maybe a...visit to a restaurant?"

"...Hah?"

"...a...date..."

A pencil came flying and smacked Allen on the forehead, hard. He yelped, leaped out of his chair, and began to rub his forehead in earnest. A red mark was slowly emerging from his pale skin and Yuu Kanda looked at it with the satisfaction of an archer who had hit the target with the arrow right where it was wanted. Allen whimpered pathetically.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Like hell you're taking me on a date."

"But—why not?"

Yuu Kanda suddenly stood up and moved away from behind the desk so Allen could see her form clearly. She was wearing a crisp white long-sleeved shirt with buttons, dark pants, and shiny black business shoes. Her shoulders were broad and square, her arms were strong and thick, her hands large and rough with callouses. She was tall, taller than Allen by a good third of a foot at least. Her chest was flat and wide.

"Are you blind? I'm not a woman, you fucking Moyashi."

"It's Allen," Allen replied absently.

Then:

"Bloody hell, you're a man?!"

"Yes," Kanda said through gritted teeth. Now that Allen thought about it, Kanda's voice was far too deep for him to be a woman. "I'm a man, fucking Moyashi, and you have to be an idiot to not know that I'm one."

"Well, I'm sorry that I misunderstood..." Allen said miserably, feeling both humiliated and crushed. The woman of his dreams didn't exist after all. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Che," Kanda scoffed.

"...What is Moyashi anyway?"

"Bean sprout."

"Hey, I'm not that short..." Allen trailed off.

They stood there, both looking at each other. Kanda looked at Allen with probing eyes, taking in the bright silver-blue eyes and smooth pale cheeks and lastly the full pink lips. Irritated eyes changed and gleamed in a predatory way. Looking at Allen's downcast expression, he finally said:

"You know, there are homosexual relationships."

"...Eh?"

Kanda smirked. If this was going to work out, then _he _would have to be the seme, therefore the one to initiate.

"So about that date..."

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**A/N: **...Eh. I don't like this one that much for some reason. This chapter was really short at first and I wasn't sure how to make it longer.

...No, Kanda is not a woman. Although that would be hilarious to see...

This was slightly rushed so it's probably not as good...

Reviews/comments/critiques are welcomed. :D


	4. Games

Disclaimer: D. Gray Man belongs to a certain Japanese woman who gets most of her ideas in a bathtub.

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Walking quickly, Allen turned to look back over his shoulder. No one appeared to be following him, but that fact did little to unburden even some of his unease. If anything, he began to walk even faster, all but running down the hallway. His shoes made small clacking noises on the floor as he hurried, his pale hair flying behind him. Finders and Exorcists stopped and tried to say hello to the British boy, but he passed by them with only a hasty, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry", before dashing off. They stared at each other, confused, before shrugging it off and continuing their way.

Allen made a sharp right turn and continued walking, occasionally looking back. The expression of discomfort and fear on his face was evident, especially so for Lenalee.

"Hey, Allen, what's the hurry?" Lenalee asked, stopping in front of him. She had caught a glimpse of the albino rushing down a hallway and had decided to intercept him and ask.

"Nothing really," Allen said hurriedly, trying to step past her. Lenalee frowned and blocked his way.

"Tell me," she insisted.

"I'm sorry, but I really need to go."

"Go to where? Bathroom?"

"No. Please, let me go."

"Not until you tell me."

"I don't have time."

"You can tell me if you have time to stand here arguing with me."

"But I—"

"My room's close by. Come in and tell me everything."

"But Komui—"

She grabbed his sleeve and dragged him to her room. Allen protested weakly at first and tried to regain ownership of his arm, but after glancing around and finding no one in particular loitering close by, he relaxed slightly and the tension went out of his shoulders. He went gamely along with Lenalee, still throwing a few wary glances around. His business could wait a little...right?

Lenalee sat him down on a chair near a desk and sat down on the bed.

"So what's the hurry?" she asked curiously."

Allen's eyes flicked towards the bed, then looked away. "Um, well... Earlier today..."

"_Kanda," Allen said, rubbing his back weakly, "we shouldn't...do that so much."_

"_You mean sex?" Kanda said bluntly. He was sitting on the ground, meditating. His shirt was discarded somewhere on the floor next to the bed. The Japanese was wearing a tight, stretchy pair of black pants. He was barefoot and his hair cascaded down his back freely. All in all, he looked good enough to eat, but Allen wasn't having it._

"_Yes!" Allen said, blushing hotly. "It's hard to walk everyday because you always..." he averted his eyes, embarrassed. Even after they had been officially "going out" for a few months, Allen still hadn't gotten used to the late nightly sessions they had, usually in Kanda's room. Allen more than often ended up with a hoarse throat, stiff legs, and a sore back. And his...arse...was starting to hurt too._

"_It's not my fault you always look damn fuckable," Kanda said without squinting open one eye._

"_It's not my fault either!" the cursed Exorcist snapped back, still red in the face._

"_Hn..."_

"_..."_

"_..."_

"_...Hey Kanda. How come you never let me top?"_

_Kanda made a half-snort, half-scoff. "Because you're a fucking Moyashi."_

"_It's Allen...and what does that have to do with anything?"_

"_You're damn short."_

"_So?!"_

"_You're younger."_

"_What about it?!"_

"_I'm the one who always initiates."_

"_I initiate!"_

"_Only with holding hands and hugs and sometimes kissing—"_

"_That's because I'm not a sex-deprived pedophile like you!"_

"_That's why you're uke."_

"_Well, I'm starting to grow taller! I've been drinking lots of milk!"_

"_You'll still never be seme, Moyashi."_

"_Argh! You're frustrating," Allen said, glaring at his lover. Kanda really did snort this time but he never opened his eyes. Instead, he shifted so his legs were crossed more comfortably on the mat. A strand of long dark hair fell across his face and he brushed it aside with a careless sweep of his hand. Allen watched the movement, flushing slightly. Kanda really was beautiful... Even now, Allen still wondered how the swordsman ever fell for him. All of Kanda's words were true: He was short, he was younger, he never really took charge of the more mature areas of their relationship. And to top it off, Allen had old man hair, his strange black-patterned arm, and..._

"_You're thinking about the Fourteenth again, aren't you?"_

"_Ahaha..." Allen chuckled dryly. "Sorry."_

"_Damn Moyashi. This is why you'll never top. Too damn gloomy to think about other stuff."_

"_Shut up."_

"_Make me."_

"_...You won't be getting any for a week."_

"_..."_

"_..."_

"_...You wouldn't."_

"_Watch me."_

"_Ha. You're going to lose."_

"_It's not a game! I mean it!"_

"Kanda was really serious," Allen sighed woefully, oblivious to the sudden blush on Lenalee's cheeks as she tried to imagine Kanda staring lustfully at Allen. "So I had to run away. He has to learn that he can't always have everything his way."

"Kanda _is _a seme-type..." Lenalee said thoughtfully.

Allen turned to her. "What?! You're taking his side?" he said incredulously, sounding betrayed.

"Moyashi..."

The hiss came from outside Lenalee's room. Both the Chinese girl and the British boy froze. They stared at each other, Allen with a horrified expression forming on his while and Lenalee with an extremely interested smile quirking her mouth up. Neither doubted for a moment that it was Kanda, Bakanda, Yuu-chan, standing outside the door.

"Come out, Moyashi...I saw you go in there..."

"...eep."

"Should I open the door?" the Chinese girl asked Allen, looking highly amused. "Kanda's probably going to break down the door if I don't..."

Allen stared at her with huge eyes. "...Please...save me..."

"Moyashi...you're not going to be able to walk for a whole week..."

"...eep."

"Well! The door's opening!" Lenalee announced. She crossed the floor to the door and opened it. Not a second after she did so, a dark blurry form swept in, grabbed poor Allen's waist, and sped out. Lenalee shook her head, smiling.

A minute later, Kanda swished into his room, slammed the door, and tossed his prize onto the bed. Allen fell with a "oof", rolled over a pillow, and laid sprawled over the sheets. He looked up at the smirking swordsman, quaking in fear. Kanda had _that _look. The look that said, "I'm going to fuck you through the bed". The look that told Allen that he wouldn't be able to even get up from bed tomorrow. The Brit whimpered at his unfortunate fate. The world hated him, didn't it?

Kanda advanced upon his Moyashi, grinning evilly to himself.

"Well, Moyashi...looks like you're going to have to learn a lesson."

"...A...lesson?"

"That's right," Kanda drawled, reaching into a drawer for his...teaching material. "A little lesson that's going to teach you not to tease me..." He twirled a strip of cloth around his finger.

The strips of cloth in Kanda's hand confused Allen at first.

Then everything became crystal clear when Kanda tied all four of his limbs to the bedposts in a single fluid motion.

Bondage.

Oh God, oh God.

"I'm sorry, Kanda..." Allen stuttered out, flushing as Kanda draped his warm body over his. He trailed off as his lover kissed him, biting on his lower lip to gain entrance. Allen opened his mouth, releasing a small moan as Kanda twined their tongues together, stroking it and massaging it. After a few moments of that, the swordsman pulled back and licked his lips.

"Time for you to learn your lesson..."

Large rough hands divested Allen of his vest, his white button-up shirt. Kanda laid soft kisses on Allen's chest, growling slightly as the Brit moaned in appreciation. One hand crept towards a nipple and pinched it deftly. Allen's voice rose in response. A slick tongue came out and flicked the other nipple. Allen shut his silver eyes, trying to hold back his moans but failing miserably. Kanda gently lapped the stiff pink nipple before trailing down lower and lower and lower, down the abdominal muscles and stomach and waist...

Allen wanted so badly to reach out and thread his hands through Kanda's loose, soft hair. He wanted to be able to move. He wanted—

Kanda yanked down Allen's pants, pulling down the boxers along with it. Allen trembled with embarrassment as his lover eyed the exposed erection.

"Want help with that...?"

The question was obviously rhetorical as the long-haired man put the tip into his mouth and sucked gently. Allen jolted and arched off the bed, moaning. "K-Kanda..." A long lick down the side sent Allen writhing, tugging against his restraints in desperation. Smirking, Kanda took the erect male into his mouth and _sucked._

"K-Kanda!" Allen groaned. "Nngh...don't...have to..."

Kanda hummed in response. The vibrating throat had Allen groaning again, panting and crying out. "Kanda!" The Japanese began to move his head up and down, taking in as much as possible. Allen cried out, gasping, "Haa...haa...Kanda, I can't—"

A finger trailed over his hole and Allen came.

Swallowing the substance, Kanda wiped off a few stray drops around his mouth. Allen laid on the bed, flushed and panting, his body hot and bothered. He sighed as his erection faded... Then his eyes widened as a finger pushed into his body, intruding.

"Ah!"

"Relax, Moyashi," Kanda murmured, his voice rough and husky.

The second finger...the third finger...and then Allen moaned as Kanda pressed his prostrate. "Hm, looks like you're ready," Kanda said. Shedding his pants and underwear, Kanda nudged his painfully hard erection to the entrance. Probing it for a few moments, he finally pushed it. The tight heat that Allen offered nearly sent him to the edge. Kanda went all the way before stopping, gritting his teeth from the tightness surrounding his cock. Allen groaned, fisting his hands in the sheets. "Allen...when you're ready..." Kanda panted. He laid kisses on Allen's neck, sucking gently as he waited for the white-haired boy to adjust.

Allen panted. It didn't hurt anymore...but he wanted to try something. He moved his hips away and then back down on Kanda's male. A jolt went through his body and Kanda groaned through gritted teeth. The Brit managed a smile. That he was the one making Kanda feel this way...

"Don't...tease...me," Kanda strained out.

"Move," Allen commanded, flushing.

The Japanese didn't need a second reminder. He pulled almost all the way out before pressing in again, searching for Allen's sweet spot. Allen moaned. "Faster..." And Kanda obeyed, thrusting into Kanda, groaning at the muscles clenching around his erection. Faster and faster their rhythm went, Kanda continuously pounding in and out of Allen. Allen tried to clamp his legs around Kanda's hips, but he was reminded of the restraints.

"Kanda, Kanda, Kanda," Allen moaned out, "I'm going to come—Ah!"

White liquid splattered both of their chests. Allen arched off the bed, his cries even louder. Kanda groaned as the muscles around his erection tightened even more and he plunged in deeply one last time before releasing as well.

"...M-Moyashi..."

"...It's not...so bad being uke, I guess."

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Allen limped into the cafeteria the next morning.

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**A/N: **The ending wasn't too good... I wasn't sure how to end it properly, to be honest.

Anyways, this theme was interesting...but what I'm really looking forward to is the next theme, Doll.

Reviews are what motivate me. :D

Leave a review...and...I'll...put in lemon in the first chapter?

Lawl.


	5. Doll

Disclaimer: D. Gray Man? What is this D. Gray Man you speak of?

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He glared at the still figure.

It didn't move.

He glared.

It still didn't move.

He glared.

It twitched.

"Oi," Kanda finally said, "you alive?"

Whatever it was, it shifted its head on the dirt ground, leafs and bits and pieces of twig sticking to the unusual white hair. It looked like a male—He was wearing long dark pants, a dirt-streaked white long-sleeved shirt, a gray vest, and a red ribbon hanging around its throat. The stranger's boots were black and splattered with dried mud and grass bits and were fairly worn. Besides the smears from the ground, the stranger's clothes looked fairly well-kept and somewhat expensive. What little exposed skin Kanda could see was pale and marred with light bruises and caked dirt. Dark eyes trailed over the small, lithe form, lingering on the strange white hair, like an old man's.

The stranger's head shifted and Kanda inhaled sharply.

Kanda had never called anyone beautiful before, least of all a male, but there was no other word for this stranger. The white-haired boy's face was delicately structured, like a girl's. A straight nose, full pink lips, long pale lashes caressing the pale skin.

"Mmmm..." the anonymous male moaned.

Kanda cursed his overactive imagination as the stranger's eyelids flicked open to reveal eyes the most startling shade of silver. They were wide and shaded in various tones of gray and blue, sparkling with intelligent curiosity as the young-man-with-old-man-hair sat up and said, in a somewhat husky voice, "Eh...where am I?"

Kanda stared.

Old Man stared.

"You look like a Moyashi," Kanda said finally.

The now-dubbed Moyashi, on the other hand, reacted. In a most peculiar way.

"You're – a – human!" Moyashi gasped. His hand flew towards his mouth in shock and Kanda noticed that the stranger was wearing delicately embroidered gloves like some sort of noble. However... The only nobles around here were usually lounging in the mansion on the hill. It was on the other side of the village and most nobles wouldn't have troubled themselves getting their fat behinds across even the small village Kanda lived in.

Then the full impact of what the white-haired boy had said hit him.

"Of course I'm human," he hissed out, stalking towards the Moyashi. The stranger only stood and stared him with inquisitive eyes, looking at Kanda's rough, earth-toned clothes that were sewn out of coarse brown fabric.

"Ah..."

"You must be fucking blind."

"Ah..."

"You're human too, aren't you?"

"Eh...not quite."

"What do you mean 'not quite'?!" Kanda snapped. Then he sighed. He had gone into the forest to quickly chop some wood and he needed to get the hell out now. The forest wasn't particularly dangerous, but it was difficult to maneuver around. The forest itself was like a maze—If he strayed too far, he would find himself hopelessly lost. He had gone a little deeper in today to find more wood and he had to leave now before he went in any further. Shifting the bundle of wood he had slung over his shoulder, Kanda began to walk away...

...then remembered the Moyashi.

Scowling, Kanda looked back at the Moyashi who was spacing out. As cold-hearted and distant and bastard-like and violent everyone saw Kanda as, he wasn't as cruel as to leave a poor kid out in the forest by himself.

And don't forget the fucking guilt he'll have, wondering for the rest of his life if the Moyashi died or not.

"Oi, Moyashi. Come with me."

Said boy tore his eyes away from a patch of moss that was a most disgusting shade of green. "Eh? Go with you? To where?"

"To my village."

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"Um, I still don't know your name," the Moyashi confessed as they approached the village. The houses were all in the color of sand or dirt. A few had chimneys and smoke pleasantly trickled out. A few people were moving in and out of the houses, not speaking to each other. They were all intent on their own purposes and walked through the village head down, shoulders hunched, in positions of defeat. A woman was washing clothes in a washtub, standing on her knees, sleeves rolled up to her elbows as she plunged her hands into the soapy water.

"It's Kanda."

"Kan...da?"

"Hn."

"..."

"..."

"...Aren't you going to ask me my name?"

"It's Moyashi."

"I don't even know what that means. And don't call me that, my name's Allen."

"YUU-KUN!"

"Motherfucker," Kanda swore under his breath as a dusty figure sprinted towards them, arms outstretched wide. "Here comes that old man." He lowered his bundle of wood to the ground and signaled Allen to hide behind him. Allen looked confused but complied obediently, shuffling behind Kanda. Silver-blue eyes peeked out from behind but Kanda roughly pushed him back.

"Yuu-kun, you were gone so long!" Tiedoll wailed, stopping right before Kanda. The self-proclaimed foster father of Kanda attempted to hug his unruly "son", but Kanda slapped away the old man's hands with an expression of irritation.

"Usually, you would be back from chopping wood much earlier," Tiedoll continued, as if Kanda rejecting his hugs were an everyday occurrence, "Marie, Chaoji, and I were planning on surprising you. It's your birthday tomorrow, Kanda! And then you didn't show... We waited and waited and I thought that you must have gone in too far in the forest and got lost and I was about to go look for you but Marie said he could hear your voice and you know how Marie's hearing is—"

"Fuck it," Kanda snarled, "why were you trying to surprise me?"

"Didn't you hear me, Kanda? It's your birthday tomorrow!"

"Then—"

"Birthdays!" Allen suddenly chirped. He jumped out from behind Kanda's back to face Tiedoll with excited, shining eyes. "It's the day when humans are born, right? Kanda, it's a very special day for you then! Whatever age you are turning into tomorrow, you only turn into it once in your lifetime! And you should appreciate other people's efforts more, Kanda!"

There was no response from the dark-haired man.

"...Kanda?" Allen finally asked tentatively, turning to look at Kanda. The "fuck, I'm screwed" expression on the dark-haired man's face did little as an explanation for the sudden silence from both men from the village.

"Shit," Kanda mumbled.

"Yuu-kun..." Tiedoll said slowly. There was something hidden in the old man's voice that made Kanda cringe. "Have you been hiding your illegitimate son?"

"OH HELL NO—"

"Actually," the "illegitimate son" said cheerfully, "Kanda is my Master."

"What?! Since when? Don't go deciding things by yourself, fucking Moyashi."

"It's Allen, Master. I know that your memory is going quite dreadfully, but I'm going to have to put my foot down on you making up nicknames for me when you're too lazy to—"

"What kind of sick twisted human would want me to be their Master?!!!"

"Eh...but...I'm not quite a human."

"..."

"..."

"...I'm serious."

"..."

"..."

"...Hello?"

"Yuu-kun..."

"...Moyashi. What the heck are you?"

Allen beamed and crossed his arms behind his back. The blindingly happy smile made Kanda curse under his breath. Bobbing his head up and down, rocking his heels back and forth on the ground, Allen said quite happily, "I'm a doll. Exorcist Model N-14. Allen Walker, of British origins. Born December 25. Pleased to meet you, Kanda."

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**A/N: **Yes, I'm ending this chapter here. Why?

Because I'm planning on making a separate story using this plot.

I had too many ideas I wanted to include, so I decide to make this something like a sneak preview of my new story, Still Doll. It's coming soon so look out for that...

I'm really sorry that this is late...

...review? :D


	6. Night Out

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man. Period.

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"Bookman to Crown Clown," came the murmur. "Crown Clown, you need to go in."

"_Bloody hell, Bookman. Are you insane?" _

Lavi chuckled into his ear piece and shifted into a more comfortable position on his perch. His partner had tried to rid himself of his British accent to better disguise his identity, but it still came out whenever his partner wasn't careful. But Lavi was glad for it—It was quite endearing, in a way. And it never really hindered missions _that _much. Smoothing down his black assassin suit, Lavi replied, "Of course I'm insane. This is Red Bookman we're talking about, baby. My middle name is Insanity. And what's the point of doing everything by the book? This mission itself is insanity, Allen."

"_The codename is Crown Clown," _the static crackled grumpily. _"And, well, I guess you're not going to let me help you. I'll try and be in back two, maybe three hours. If I'm not back, I'll need backup."_

"Gotcha."

"_And don't do anything stupid."_

"Gotcha."

"_Tell me if a Noah decides to show."_

"Gotcha."

"_And—"_

"Crown Clown, get your little ass moving already."

"_Arse."_

The moment the conversation was over, Lavi stood up. "Now cute little Moyashi won't have to deal with these..." he said to himself easily. The guards of the Millennium Earl, strange robotic machines called Akuma, surrounded him. They advanced, their grotesque faces leering and twisted into sick smiles as blood lust reflected in their eyes.

"Well, Crown Clown," Lavi said, tapping the hammer strapped to his side. "It looks like it'll take a bit for me to be ready as your backup." He pulled out the hammer and pointed it at a random Akuma.

One of the Akuma stepped forward and growled, "We know your organization, the Black Order. And you know that you Exorcists usually travel in groups. Where are your partners?"

Lavi smirked. "You're not getting anything out of me."

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"Bloody hell," Allen mumbled as he crawled through the small opening, "Kanda, you better be grateful that I'm bothering to save your arse."

Allen Walker, age 15. An Exorcist-leveled assassin from the group The Black Order.

There were three levels of assassins in the organization. Generals were the highest-ranking assassins. They often received multiple missions at once and then carried them out usually alone or accompanied with a handful of Exorcists. All of the Generals had apprentices, sometimes one and sometimes more than one. Exorcists, ability-wise, were fairly varied. They ranged from freshly minted newbies to tough, experienced killers. Exorcists worked in groups and occasionally alone. Finders were the lowly apprentices. They didn't go on many missions but The Black Order had other uses for them.

Allen felt his way through the small tunnel he was crawling through. Bloody Earl, making his fortress-like mansion huge and maze-like. Then Allen hit a dead end.

"Hm," the Brit murmured and his hand reached for a small pocket strapped to his leg.

"Cherry bomb. Ehhh...too much smoke."

"Grenade launcher. Too flashy. Too big."

"Firecracker. Bloody hell, why do I even _have _firecrackers?"

"Well, Crown Clown," Allen finally said to himself, twitching his left hand, flexing and stretching the gloved fingers. "It looks like I'll have to use you this time." His right hand ghosted over his left. A dim white glow filled the cramped dark space and Allen pulled out a heavy, clunky, and awkward sword. It was long and flat and broad and its handle, with a cross dangling from the end, scraped the stone walls in jerky motions. But Allen hardly noticed this as he crouched and—

_Slash._

The wall in front of him crumbled and Allen peered through the debris only to find himself in a lit room with their mission's purpose sitting in front of him, knocked out and tied to a chair.

"Fwaa," Allen sighed, "it's just like you, Bakanda, to get yourself captured and give trouble to everyone."

The still Japanese did not answer. His mouth was gagged, his hair untied and limply hanging from his head. Dark circles were under Kanda's eyes, evidence of his great psychological stress. A purple bruise was blooming on his upper right jaw and his black, form-fitting suit had various scratches and scuffs. He was sitting in a rather uncomfortable posision, his hands tied behind the chair and his torso slumped somewhat sideways. Kanda's head hung at an angle and his legs were tangled together.

_'He looks like shit.'_

"Allen Walker," a syrupy voice chirped, "I was expecting you."

"The Earl," Allen replied formally as a fat, round, and plump man came out of the shadows, grinning like a fat tomcat. Small round glasses gleamed sinisterly in the light but the Earl's light tone never changed its steady pace.

"Allen Walker. I knew that you would come to save your lover," the fat Earl said smugly, folding his hands in front of him.

Allen snorted and tightened his grip on Crown Clown.

"What in the bloody hell do you want from me?"

"Well..." Suddenly, the Earl seemed to become nervous and he fiddled the hem of his long coat with his fingers, his too wide smile looking even more forced. "Not so much as to what I want from you, but what little Rhode wants." The corner of the Earl's mouth twitched violently.

"...Hah? Rhode?"

"Rhode."

"...Rhode wants something from me? Oh bloody hell no, if it's another kiss—"

"Unfortunately, a _kiss _is just a tip of the iceberg."

"...Rhode wants me to kiss her?"

"Not her. Yuu-pon here."

"...Kanda?"

"You see, for the past couple of months, Rhode has become increasingly engrossed in this...human obsession called yaoi."

"...Oh no. Oh bloody hell no."

"You know that little bunny friend of yours? The little redheaded Bookman? She originally wanted to see Tyki go at it with him. But, well, she _does _have this little thing for you so she changed her mind."

"Okay. Rhode is one of your top assassins. Why is she even interested in yaoi? Bloody hell, how did she even find out about Kanda and I? I thought that The Noah, our main assassin group rival, were more..."

"Yes, well," the Earl sniffed delicately, "Rhode threatened to not take on any missions for a whole year if she didn't get to see some action between you and your dear Yuu-pon. And I can't afford to let my top assassin sit around sulking like a deprived yaoi fangirl—which she is, sadly—and let your precious Order take over while Rhode is moping around. So I kidnapped your lover to lure you in here alone and to have hot, passionate sex."

"Why should I do...it...with Kanda to save your bloody organization?" Allen snapped. "If anything, I would be refusing!"

"But Rhode has a bet with Tyki that you and Yuu-pon have sex all of the time—"

"Bugger off," Allen said impatiently, flushing slightly. His nervousness made his British accent all the more noticeable. "I can't bang a bloody unconscious person."

"Ah, did I mention that I activated Yuu-pon's inner nymphomaniac?" the Earl huffed. "Go and have sex with Yuu-pon right now, please. He'll be waking up any moment now. And Rhode's watching from a hidden recorder in the room and the dear girl isn't very good at waiting. Lube and condoms are in the drawer and dear me, don't forget them. Yuu-pon probably will forget them because his inner nymphomaniac will be too intent on doing it than worrying about your well-being." The chubby boss of The Noah assassin group began to back out of the room.

"Wait just one bloody minute—"

The door slammed shut and Allen found himself alone in the room with the unconscious Kanda.

Allen sighed deeply. "Well, blow me. My enemies want me to bang Kanda so their top assassin won't slack off."

Kanda stirred and intent, fiery, and extremely lustful dark eyes snapped open.

"Fuck," Allen muttered. He was about to speak into his ear piece and ask Lavi for backup, but Kanda sliced up the ropes restraining him and started to stalk towards Allen, eyes gleaming.

The screams and yells and moans and groans and "Fuck, Kanda, slow down!"s went on.

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Tyki all watched this with slightly disturbed eyes.

"Rhode, how can you stand watching this?" he mumbled.

The top female assassin giggled sweetly as she continued to stare at the screen, entranced. "You're one to talk, Tyki. You've been watching that redhead for a while now. Why don't you go and have some fun with your little bunny? It'll be more entertaining for me."

Tyki sighed. "I don't like voyeurs."

"Well," Rhode said brightly, "have fun jerking off."

"Such vulgar words for a cute little girl."

"I try."

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"You—were—too late—Bookman," Allen panted from the floor. He knew for certain that he would not be able to even stand, much less walk, the next day. Kanda was still the same old insatiable bastard he was, inner nymphomaniac or not. At least Allen had managed the swipe the lube before Kanda could attack him. It would have been a lot more painful otherwise.

"Sorry!" Lavi said. "But those Akuma were pretty stubborn." He poked Kanda with his finger, whom he had knocked out with his enlarged hammer.

"Still," Crown Clown gasped out, "at least—nothing—too bad—happened."

"Mm."

Silence. Then:

"Hey, Allen, now would be a great time to graffiti Yuu-chan's face."

"Don't—be—daft. He'll know—it was—tus."

"We could always say it was those annoying twin assassins from The Noah. What were their names?"

"True, that."

"Man, this was some night out, wasn't it?"

"I—agree."

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**A/N: **Late, I know, and this was pretty confusing I think. But happy belated birthday, Kanda!

Let me know what you think. :D


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